Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
