And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
not ubering you a puppy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
