dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
