i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize