just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
