My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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