Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
