so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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