I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Congratulations! We have a period
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