Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
