When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize