if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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