Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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