I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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