Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
