Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
