You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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