Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize