i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize