You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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