Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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