There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
