Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
