White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize