Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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