Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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