She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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