smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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