I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize