Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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