Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
