we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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