DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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