Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
