Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
