So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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