I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
