We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize