you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
