Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
