I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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