Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize