i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
