I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
