I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
