He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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