He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
