take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
