I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
