Already got asked if we're dating
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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