You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
