I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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