Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
