Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
