It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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