I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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