If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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