I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The uberlube is also flammable
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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