Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
