just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
