So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
