So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
