My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
