Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
