I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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