this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
