We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
