She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
