either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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