Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just cropdusted the office
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have already put on my inside pants.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
