Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
