My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
