that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
